Photo of bowl of rice and lentiles wiht 2 poached eggs on top

Angela Kruger, Day 1

quiet ///

I don’t know what to blog about. I had a regular day and I have very low energy. I spoke a lot less than I usually do. I’m quiet.

I ate this:

Photo of bowl of plain oatmeal
Breakfast was my favourite meal of the day.

Photo of mug of hot water
Couldn’t afford coffee.

Photo of bowl of instant noodles
These were like, quite bad.

Well, and a banana. And then I went to soccer. My coach looked up and went Angela! as I arrived. He was happy to see me because we didn’t have many players today, and a good number of the players we did have were recovering from injuries, and then there was me with my blood sugar level zero, and the team we played is first in our league. I played like I don’t know what. Shit, probably.

In the first half, I wondered when I was gonna get a sub, then wondered a bit more, finally called my coach’s name but he didn’t hear me, tried again but he didn’t hear me again, would glance back and see him not seeing me, then finally on a corner kick, I made a megaphone with my hands and shouted his name over and over again. Maybe I was too quiet, but he didn’t notice for a while, until my teammates also started calling his name and pointing at me. Next possession, Angela. Thumbs up.

When I finally got subbed off, I wasn’t sure why I was tired or even if I was tired, but I was sure that something was off. My teammates offered me some oranges. I declined, explained why, they said, 18 dollars?! That’s crazy! Which it is. My coach overheard.
“Are you okay, Angela?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“If your blood sugar is that low, you just tell me how you’re feeling out there. We don’t need you just keeling over!”
“Yeah, I’ll keep you posted!”

Photo looking down at Angela in her soccer gear

The second half started and he kept me off. He only put me back in two more times — first, when one of my teammates took a hard ball to the back of the head and fell over, and next when that same player had gone back in but within a few minutes, busted her knee. We lost 2-0.

I ate half a cup of rice, a cup of green lentils, and two eggs for dinner. I thought I should probably eat as much as I could because I had burnt all those calories at soccer, so I opted to just eat all the lentils and all the rice . . . and I put it all in one bowl, which was a mistake. And I didn’t drain the lentils properly, which was a mistake. And I didn’t pick up any garlic or ginger on my way home with my remaining $1.05, which was a mistake. Other than the eggs (which got mangled because I couldn’t afford oil, butter, or margarine), my dinner was bad, and then got progressively more disgusting as I kept eating it. I didn’t think I’d be able to finish it, but I was wrong.

Photo of bowl of rice and lentiles wiht 2 poached eggs on top

Gross.

Photo of empty bowl
It was gross.

I’m so hungry, I think. I’m definitely not full. But more than anything, I feel mentally and emotionally weak. I’m hungry, I think, but I don’t really care. I’m tired.

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